Kids Rock

A few months after I knew about my pregnancy with Paris, I asked the hubby a serious question. How would I ever be able to love another little being as much as I loved Angel and Meadow? The look on my face was of honest concern. Any mom feels overwhelmed with emotions when they reflect on anything that potentially would take away from their kids. It wasn’t like I felt threatened by Paris…quite the contrary. I just needed to know how I as a mommy could give each child 100 percent of me without the other feeling less loved. And as both you and I stare at that sleepy baby with a smile in the picture above the answer is clear. Yes, it really just comes natural. Each child twinkles in their own way…the make us proud, sad, feel like a millionaire within…the important thing is they make us better.

Now with Paris 4 months old, Meadow 3 years old and Angel 7… they love me with their entire hearts each day… and I love each of them infinite…

My life led me here. It led me to being a mommy and everything else is just sprinkles on this cupcake :-)

Meadow is 3 years old and a thoughtful little child. As I “sneak” peeks at her here and there I realize something scary… I go out of my way to avoid upsetting her. You see when Meadow gets upset my house turns into a household featured on the Dr. Phil show. I can see Dr. Phil staring at me now asking me when I am going to stand up straight and gain a pair. Boy do I try…just like most of you parents out there. And it isn’t even about their cute faces peering up at you any more. No, instead it is like a rabid monkey being set loose on you after little to no sleep.

Placing my hands on my waist like, “The Pack Leader” Caesar Milan tries to speak of. Offcourse Caesar is talking about chihuahuas and Pit Bulls not vicious toddlers… but at times in my house you wouldn’t be able to see a difference. Today I caught myself throwing whatever she wanted at her and backing up. “Take the Lucky Charms and go!” Yes I realize what that sounds like. It’s like I am being robbed. She looks at me with those big doe eyes…she starts a faint shrill and we both know where that is going to go.

Meadow is looking at me right now wanting her sippy cup refilled. I notice a cat scurry across the carpet and fly behind a sofa. Wait a second was that a tumble weed passing me by? We both squint at eachother (after all she was created in partly my image). Then we draw!

Damnit she wins again. I hold my head in shame. Apple or crystal light?

Named after Paris the city of lovers she could be cupid. This 2 month old saved me from my grief. Like every mom I had a bad day to say the least. I can not help but wonder if “Super Woman” and “Cat Girl” ever curled up into a ball and sobbed when noone was watching. It never used to be such a challenge to even cry. Today it is a question of having the energy to release emotions I restrain. Sitting on the sofa tonight with the T.V. off, I got lost in my thoughts. Lost in what was right and wrong. Lately, I will find myself wondering why people walk all over me. If I will not release some of these burdens who will? Something has to give or my babies and marriage would end up taking the backseat, right?

Just then I felt thoughtful eyes on me. Paris was smiling softly like a ray of sunlight. Pushing all else aside I leaned in a kissed her softly…her smile grew. Inhaling that familiar baby smell made everything float away. For a mere second I swear there was world peace. Paris…my sweet child inspired me like the famous city has inspired artists. Everything will be okay I repeat to myself. And this time I believe it.